No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
