i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
