I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My penis needs a shock collar
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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