Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
