he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
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I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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