woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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