So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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