Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
