WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
