onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You've changed since you got that strap on
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
