Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
