so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
