dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
