Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
