i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
this will be a night to untag.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
