garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
thus making me awesome and them whores
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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