"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
