It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
