you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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