I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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