So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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