and you said cock pushups were impossible
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
