it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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