would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
