Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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