I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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