So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
