Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
