On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
