I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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