she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
