I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we're making bets on your personal life
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
