I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
