She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
