he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
