And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
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So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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