Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
