Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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