somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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