I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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