the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I bet he comes in French.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
