found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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