I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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