you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
