my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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