It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
meet me or not, i'm out of control
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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