shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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