I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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