Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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