yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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