how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
