Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
