Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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