You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
