Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
