Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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