This dress was meant to end up on your floor
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
