My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
