She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I miss vodka workout Fridays
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
