So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
