I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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